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Sunday, April 02, 2006 

Big Al's Top Ten: Things I Would Like To See Changed in Baseball

As the baseball season begins, I often think of ways to improve America's pastime. I really love the game, but I feel that everything can be improved. Here is my Top 10 Baseball Wishlist:

1. Baseball Cheerleaders
Football & Basketball have them, so why not baseball? Okay, so the Florida Marlins actually have them, but I think the other teams need them.

2. Better Gameday Promotions
So I get a bobblehead and rally towel as long as I'm one of the first 5 billion people into the stadium gate. However, I think we should have better promotions like "Get an At Bat against Roger Clemens Night" or "You get to set off the Fireworks Night". Pretty cool eh? I would be lining up for days for that one and easily spend cash on a ticket.

3. The 7th Inning Streaker
So we all see it on Sportscenter where some fool runs onto the field and makes a fool out of themselves and disrupts the game. I'm cool with this. I think its part of the game, but others do not care for shannanigans. So I propose The 7th Inning Streaker - where anybody that cares to run on the field can do so for 5 mins. The catch - they gotta' be good! I want to see parachutes, wacky costumes, fireworks coming out of their ass, etc. If not, get booted off American Idol style.

4. The 7th Inning Streaker - female edition

Same as a above, but more females (baseball game not necessary).

5. The Steroid League
There's all this talk on Steriods. Like streaking, I'm cool with this. I like seeing people hit 73 homeruns and not just barely over the fence, but 500 feet. I like seeing pitchers throw 105mph and break helmets when it hits the batter in the head. For what I pay for tickets, I think this is the entertainment I'm entitled too. However, there are too many traditionalists who like to smell their own farts. I suggest 3 leagues: The American, The National and The Steriod league. They mostly play intra-league games with the special inter-league primtime events. At the end, have some 3-way playoff and see what happens.

6. Let the batter call his pitch
Remember back in the days when we played kickball in the playground. We used to call for our types of pitches, whether it be fast, or off to the right or "baby-bouncies" at knee high.. remember? Of course you do. Let's have the batters call their own pitch and see if they can knock it out. We'd see basketball type scores. So much offense!

7. Choose Your Own Adventure Game
So each team plays 162 games a year. Those that are fighting for a playoff spot need all 162 games to clinch that spot. However, there a lot of games at the end of year of the bottom dweller that don't need all of those games. I suggest for the games that absolutely mean nothing to be more fan interactive. With the help of the scoreboard and decible meter, fans can choose a pinch hitter, change of pitcher, intentional walk, etc. Makes me feel part of history.

8. Fighting
Make baseball a little more WWF. I want the commish to instigate more fighting. I like Sportscenter leading off its telecast with players in kicking the shit out of each other. And none of this batter vs. pitcher crap either. I want to see some really cool stuff like announcers fighting each other or groundskeepers vs. the security guards or scoreboard operator vs. the churro guy. But I'll take that Don Zimmer vs. Pedro fight any day.

9. Beer Man
Some stadiums have this, but not at the ones I frequent. I think a lot of my above suggestions would be taken care of if we had easier access to beer. Additionally, ownership would have no problem fielding a more contending team if we can easily purchase $8 beers from our seat.

10. On field fan celebration
You see it at college games all the time. The underdog upsets the favorite on the underdog's homefield and... BAM! Thousands of college kids storm the field and tear it apart - including the removal of the goal posts. I think this tradition should be part of baseball. Why let all of those millionaire athletes get to dance around the field and pour champagne on themselves? I think we paid of the game, we should celebrate it by running around the field (female streaking is encouraged) and let us tear down the foul pole.

Honorable Mentions:
Playboy Models as umpires or broadcast announcers
The use of aluminum bats
In-game camera inside of the baseball
Have Puff Daddy Remix Take Me out to the Ballgame
Baseball Player Groupies: The Reality Show - find out really why that player needed to be scratched from the lineup.l

damn al, lotsa posting. must be done studying.


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